I’m laying in a hotel room a half a country away from my kids and my baby is sick. He’s my boy, my sidekick, a mama’s boy to the core and I can’t help him. I’m sick, literally nauseous about it. And along with that, I’m angry.

I think today, sitting alone in an airport with a book all alone for the first time in a long time, and all I could do was hold back tears and feel angry that I have to do this.

I feel like I am a different person than I was when I made this career. Back then I was a strong woman in a business suit with no kids flying around the country building websites and now I am a mom that has to fly around building websites. I go to work because I have to and the last six months has made me bitter about that. I don’t dislike my job itself, I just dislike that it takes me away from what I consider to be my far more important job. I’m laying here eating room service when I should be at home comforting my baby.

I am angry at myself for the choices we made and I’m sad that my little people are growing so fast and I feel like I’m missing it. I feel like I’m only half at home and half at work and the constant pulling in 700 directions is wearing on me.

Six years ago, when our oldest was a baby, I made a choice to work. We bought a house requiring two incomes and that is that. I don’t know how to change that. I want to change it, I am beginning to think I NEED to change it but I don’t know how.

And at this point I’m not sure who I am anymore. Am I their mom or am I this person attending conferences and making small talk in hotel bars? What if I’m neither?

Let yourself move to the next chapter when the time comes.Don't remain stuck on the same page.

-magpie morning