Springtime in Minnesota traps one between the old and the new. You are excited for the extra hour of daylight but you know that means later bedtimes for the kids and that means even less alone time for you. When you’re alone time is virtually non-existent as it is the thought of it actually decreasing (Can one go negative on alone time?) is almost depressing.

Summer in Minnesota with all of the cramming in the fun in two short months and living in a house with no air conditioning and three kids under six isn’t exactly relaxing. And don’t even get me started on the bugs in Hermantown. Fist-size spiders and trails of ants, I tell you. EVERYWHERE.

That purguatory, that wanting the next thing at the exact same time as not wanting the next thing, that is the story of life right now.

You want the kids to get big and learn new things while at the same you sort of want them to stay small. You yearn for the day when you aren’t trying to walk the delicate line between the baby and his schedule and the big kids and their activities and you can hardly wait for you and your husband to start living the same life rather than both alternating back and forth between The Little One and The Big Ones.

BUT. And there’s always a but.

You have been doing this mothering thing long enough to know that the baby growing out of his extreme separation anxiety will just replaced by some other, and probably equally annoying, challenge. Skating lessons, ballet recitals, hockey practice, swimming, camping and fishing and learning to read and doing your homework and losing your first (or last) tooth. AND DISNEYLAND.

MOM, WHY CAN’T WE GO TO DISNEYLAND?

It’s everywhere.

You want to buy bunk beds for the big kids to camp out together even though there’s enough bedrooms in our house for everyone to have their own because you yearn for a simpler and much smaller life. You want them to get along better than they do. You want them to learn how to share and to absolutely not grow up getting everything handed to them on a silver platter.

You want to start dieting at the precise moment that you pour a glass of wine and sit down on the couch to watch The Bachelor with the iPad in hand simultaneously shopping for bigger work pants.

You want to pick up your SLR for the first time in MONTHS but you don’t want to deal with the electronics obsessed toddler screeching because he MUST. PUSH. THE. BUTTONS. RIGHT. THIS. INSTANT. And you probably won’t bother to process them anyways because The Bachelor and The Wine are much more important.

You want to be a stay-at-home-mom and you want a smaller and cheaper car and you want to downsize the house and sell all of the furniture and all of the baby crap and all of the maternity crap and just START OVER but you are just so overwhelmed by all of the STUFF that you have no idea where to start.

You want to start blogging again, after a multiple year hiatus, but you aren’t really sure where you want to start. You’ve missed so much. You want to remember what this time was like. You want your children to read your words and to someday be able to see their childhoods through your eyes.

But you let so much time pass without documenting anything. You let so many months pass without taking a single photograph. You are already so far behind. It seems pointless to even try to catch up.

And so you just keeping rolling, waiting for the next season of change, hoping that maybe it is this one where it all comes together.

And so you just keep rolling,waiting for the next season of change.Hoping that maybe this is the onewhere it all comes together.

-magpie morning