Today is my last day at a job that I’ve loved (mostly) for the last six and a half years. A job that allowed me to have my babies and to take time off to take care of them with zero guilt. A job that allowed me to work four days a week. A job where I respect the people that I work with and am so thankful to call them my friends.

It was a good run. They paid me well. They were flexible. But, the work was boring and the funding based on the whims of the government so I never really knew from one day to the next how long I’d be able to work here. A change in management in the last year made it not as fun to come to work and on one particularly bad day, I got fed up and sent out exactly one resume. That one resume led to an offer that I could not turn down no matter how bad part of me wanted to.

A new job with stability and a retirement. A new job with a challenging work environment where I’m not working with outdated technology. A new job where I have to dress up and go out for business lunches. I went to lunch with the men in the business suits and I looked down at my lap and noticed the bananas from The Baby’s breakfast on my silk shirt and I wondered what this mom was doing sitting at that table. I lay awake at night wondering what I am doing.

I’m stepping in to the unknown. I’m afraid. I’m taking a leap in faith for our future. I’m throwing myself in to a new job where I don’t know if they’ll care if my baby boy is sick. A job that I’m nervous that I can’t remember how to do. I know the reasons I am doing it and I know that they are the right reasons. I have told them that I am a mother to three little people first and foremost and they hired me anyways. I keep telling myself that everything will work out, that everything happens for a reason, that I’ll look back on all of this worrying someday and laugh.

But, today, I’m scared. And excited. And confident. And scared.

If you change nothing, nothing will change.

If you change nothing,nothing will change.

-magpie morning