I’ve been quiet here for what feels like a long time. It’s not because my kids aren’t hard (they are) or I haven’t been busy doing projects (I have) or we haven’t been busy running around living life (we have). The days on the calendar flip by and they grow. Seriously, can’t they just stop with the growing? She with her skinny little awkward Kindergarten body and her sassy attitude and my boy has been growing so fast that I am now shopping the big boys section at the clothing store. Even the baby, he had the nerve to outgrow the swaddlers and grow into the Exersaucer and as far as my mind can tell, it was only a few days ago that I saw his sweet face in the hospital for the very first time.

When they were littler I tried so hard to keep up. I threw them the perfect birthday parties. I blogged their every little moves. I flipped through Facebook and I compared myself to what everyone else was doing and at the end of most days, I went to bed feeling wholly inadequate. I wondered how other people were finding the time to train for triathalons and make cute little reading nooks for their kids to play in and I couldn’t even get a dinner on the table that all four of the people in my house would happily eat.

Two years ago, almost overnight, everything changed. My life got turned upside down. There were a turn of dramatic events that caused me to re-evaluate everything. I questioned my relationships with everyone. I questioned my relationship with God. I drank a lot of wine and I wanted to give up and after a year of grieving and crying, in the midst of watching it all crumble, I can distinctly remember one day saying “ENOUGH.”

I promised myself that day that I would focus on the good. I would focus on the things that I AM good at. I would focus on the people that matter to me and I would forget about those that don’t. I would focus on being thankful for the things that I do have that are truly wonderful and quit spending so much time wondering why all of these bad things had to happen to me.

For the most part I’ve been successful. There are still days when the tears come and I find myself angry again and I yell at the little people more than I should. But there are a lot more days when I feel happier than I’ve ever felt in my life. I remember to really look at my mom and notice how truly beautiful she is at 60 and I sit back and watch the smile on my dad’s face when he plays hide and seek with the three year old. I notice, and commit to memory, how natural my mother-in-law is when she picks up the baby and I smile that my kids are finally old enough to understand and properly laugh at grandpa’s jokes.

Live moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Life moves pretty fast.If you don't stop and look around once in a while,you could miss it.

-ferris bueller